The spiritual journey leads us to examine and determine what thoughts of love and of sex really are. As a result of such inquiry, a practitioner learns that both love and sex have the same source. In addition, both passionate and loving thoughts are usually mixed with fantasy, imagination and—let me venture into psychobabble territory—codependency. Our mind’s capacity for building sky-castles and falling for their seductive allure is a curious phenomenon that is worth exploring via the insight style of meditation and in extreme cases via professional counseling.

Nowadays, especially in our alienated, plastic, wilderness-fearing culture, the word ‘love’ can mean almost anything. Therefore, the aspirant should deeply examine what meaning he or she attributes to the word, so that it could be used with greater precision. After all, lucid self-understanding and clear communication with others are among the objectives of spiritual path.

What is ‘love’ then? Is it a feeling of attraction, affection, fondness, care for another, affinity, devotion, friendship, loyalty? Is it an attachment, emotional involvement, engulfment, emotional dependency, an addictive behavior? Is it sexual attraction, lust, passion? Is it a need to be physically or emotionally touched, caressed? Is it a longing to be appreciated, adored, worshipped?

Once the spiritual aspirant (sadhaka) has a clear understanding of what love is, he or she should also deeply examine the following questions: Why am I trying to change (transform) my sexual urge into an urge to ‘love’? Am I trying to escape something that is part of myself? Have I been bitten by unrequited love? Am I tired of unfulfilling sex life? What is a fulfilling sex life? Do I fear my sexuality? Is it natural for me to be sexual? Am I trying to live a monastic lifestyle when a ‘married’ life would be ‘better’? Am I gay or bisexual in need of reconciling myself with my nature?

Once the mind and its illusions have been explored to a sufficient degree, the nature of our ‘sex and love’ question will inevitable change to the following: Who is this ‘thing’ that wants to transform one kind of thought into another? In other words, the sadhaka will want to know who is the agent that wants to transform one kind of energy into another. Questioning the energy source leads to knowing the difference between seeking carnal pleasure and divine bliss. Once such change in the direction of inquiry occurs, the process of transmuting one’s sexual thoughts into thoughts of love becomes a journey of transformation into a totally different mode of being.

What are practical ways to initiate and then sustain the flow of passion for finite things into love for God? The best way is to live your life according to the famous Vivekananda’s motto: "God-Realization and Service to the Universe." This means adopting a regular spiritual practice (God-Realization) and spending the rest of your time on constructive action for the welfare of all (Service to Universe). These two broad endeavors should not be limited to mere thoughts—you must act!

Action is a typical test teachers apply to assess the capacity of a sadhaka for true love because action is the only evidence of true love, the only testament that a person truly cares for others. Talk and feelings are fleeting and cheap—sentiments come and go easily. It is when a person DOES something for him- or herself, for you, for another, for the Universe that you know that he or she really cares, that he or she has a capacity for love, that he or she is not a mere prattler.

It is easy to transform your passions into love—it is not a mysterious ‘secret doctrine’. Start by channeling your good thoughts and emotions into immediate positive actions. My master used to say: "If you feel like doing something positive, something good—do it immediately. If you feel like doing something negative, something bad—delay, procrastinate until the destructive thought withers out of your mind."

Start working for the welfare of others without delay (because the delay is the period when doubts may poison your mind). Think less of yourself and your comforts—just enough to keep your body and mind in satisfactory working order—spend most (or all) of your time on this planet Earth working for God.

Keep in mind that positive actions (seva) must be based on a strong spiritual foundation, i.e., a spiritual practice of some sort must be a central activity in your life. Otherwise, your positive action is likely to become an ego trip. Without a strong moral and spiritual foundation, it is so easy to loose perspective and become self-righteous. I hope the reader is aware how many social activists turn to destructive methods when they lose the idealism of their youth and their natural spiritual sense along with it.

If you turn your life away from the finite and toward the Infinite, three things will happen: 1) You are going to float in Divine Bliss under the loving protection of Divine Grace, i.e., you will be in Heaven before your physical death. 2) You will burn out your ‘karma’ very fast with more choice about the timing of the karmic release (you will be less prone to painful and/or unexpected "accidents"). 3) Others will want to be around you, will like you and will come to really help you. (Likewise, you will gravitate toward a group of people who are like-minded to you…) Isn’t this what everyone wants but does not know how to get?